365 Days Ago We Met Our Daughter

On February 19, 2005, I met my daughter Kaitlyn. It's been a year now, and the time has really flown. I think there is some theory that as you get older, time passes more quickly. It has to be true. And even more so when you have children. They change so quickly, and that is what the many photos in this post (below) will show you.

Looking at these pictures brings back a flood of emotion. Having a daughter was very important to me because I have a very close relationship with my mom. After losing several babies, I needed another child almost desperately. And luckily, little Long Mei Xiu was hanging out in China needing a mommy. I still am boggled by the thought that I had to go all the way to China to find my daughter, but I don't think about it very much anymore because all those things fade away. Now I am mostly boggled by how the house will every look presentable or what is going to be on the table for dinner. Life is normal and average around here, except we are what is termed a "conspicuous family" because we aren't all the same race. We get a little extra attention out in public at times, but I've even learned a lot about coping with that in the last year.

Katie was about 15 lbs. when she came home a year ago. Now, at 20 months she is 21 lbs. and tracking at the 25th%-ile for height and 7th%-ile for weight. A stark contract to her big brother who is in the 90%-iles for both, but they do just fine together. Katie is adding new words to her vocabulary daily, with "me do it" at the top of the chart. As anyone knows who talks to me often, Katie is a strong-willed little girl. We love her for it. She truly loves her big brother, and Alex is remarkably patient with his baby sister who always wants what he has. One of the greatest joys of parenthood for me is watching them play together in those somewhat rare moments when they are both enjoying the same activity. Every day Katie learns something new. Katie got herself mostly dressed this morning by herself, which is another new accomplishment. She is very opinionated about clothing, shoes in particular. She has some size 10 hand-me-down boots that she clomps around in...her size 4 feet can barely keep them on! She's basically pretty opinionated about everything...

We continue to be thankful for the gift we received from China, and we are doing our best to celebrate that culture as a part of our family. We all started Chinese language classes a couple of weeks ago. Alex is helping me with my counting. We are also having some friends over this weekend to celebrate Chinese New Year, including some of our travel mates from China. It is so rewarding to see all 8 of those little girls thriving in their homes. A year ago, we were all just meeting them.

I could probably wax poetic about adoption for awhile, but you know how I feel about it. We are excited to be returning to China to adopt again. We just sent paperwork in to the US government a week ago, and if things go well we'll have another member of our household in about 2 years. The wait that was 6 months (stretched to 8) for Katie's referral is now close to 18 months and continuing to lengthen. It is unknown when we would receive another referral, but we estimate 2-1/2 years and hope for sooner. We know it will be the perfect time for our family, whenever it is.

Enjoy the photos!

My first photo with Katie.
My first glimpse of Katie while I was waiting for the handoff...she is in the arms of her nurse.

Katie at the Zoo.


Katie and Alex on Christmas morning. (This is Katie before the pigtails go in.)

Just for fun, this is Katie when she is mad. We actually see this face a fair amount.



Katie is ready for more food. She is a tremendous eater!

Ready to eat yet again...

Katie trimming her tree at Christmas time.

Katie and her VIB...very important blankie.

A family photo at Junge Christmas. (Brad's extended family)

Katie and mom playing in the snow.

Katie all bundled up and ready for snow time!

1 Year Ago Today

This photo is of Katie now. I tried to post a shot of Katie "then" (our referral picture), but Blogger is not cooperating. Her hair isn't down that much because it gets wild and I love her in pigtails, but she is the cutest thing I've seen either way! (A little mommy bias there.)

We became parents again. On December 8 at approximately 10:00 a.m. we got "the call" all adoptive parents wait for. It was our social worker, Carol, with our referral information. (I have to tell you that as I type this, I am starting to cry because the memory of that day is so special to me.) I knew our referrals were "in" and that we would be getting the call because other, larger agencies had gotten the word out that they were headed to the US. (Contacts in China at other agencies often know when the documents are sent.) Parents in Europe had gotten their calls already, too, since they received the packages earlier than the U.S.

So the phone rings. It was earlier than I thought. I pride myself on knowing what to expect in situations like this, and I had "heard" from previous Lifelink parents that the calls usually start about 10:30 am. So I wasn't ready yet. Somehow, Brad and I both got on the phone and Carol shared with us the basic information about Katie. Her Chinese name, age, orphanage location, size and basic personality information. We saw her photo the next day at Panera, along with our friends the Rainey's and Calhoun's who also became parents (again for the Calhoun's) that day. When we got off the phone with Carol, we immediately called our parents to share the good news. I was crying so hard my dad didn't know who it was. I had experienced so many emotions on our journey to become parents again, but that day was pure joy in the truest sense of the word. And when Carol showed us her photo the next day, I knew. I never really believed the people who said this, but I knew that was my daughter. Somehow, she was born in China to another woman, but she was my child. And that truth can be substantiated by Brad. Why, practically every day he says,"Katie, you are your mother's daughter." I won't go into details about the context of those conversations, but suffice it to say both Katie and I know what we want and strive to get it.

So here we are, a year later. Contemplating adding another child to our house because the two we've got are just so darn terrific to parent. This will be a special Christmas for us. Last year we sent a box to Suichuan Social Welfare Institute with a stuffed panda bear, a photo album of our family and all hope for the future that we had. It went to a little girl who never had a mother, but now did...just thousands of miles away. That was our Christmas present to Katie. That was all we could do. Now she is like a gift to us ever day.

A friend shared this story with me earlier today, and I think it is touching.
A young man was walking along the shore and came upon an old man throwing beached starfish back into the sea, one by one. He said "Why do you bother doing that? You can't save them all." The old man threw another in and said "But I just made a difference to that one."

While I always say that as much as people say we've "saved" Katie, she really saved us. We needed her more. Now, we're okay as a family of four. But we have a lot and there are a lot of children out there with nothing. We just might try to make a difference one more time.

Happy Halloween!

Cute as a bug! A ladybug in fact. Katie celebrated her first Halloween tonight dressed up as a ladybug. She enjoyed visiting half the neighborhood trick or treating in the wagon. Alex and friends Eve and Sydney ran to the doors while Katie sat back and let the candy come to her.

The only thing cuter than a bug and is two bugs! Katie's costume was a ladybug (the symbol of little girls adopted from China...this was planned for awhile and isn't too unique in the Chinese adoption community). Big brother Alex was a scary green bug.

Katie meets goat. Katie has taken an interest in animals similar to Alex's love of things with four or more feet. This picture was taken last month during a visit to the St. Louis Zoo children's zoo. We are still zoo members and visit every few weeks.

Katie, nanny Denise and Alex playing dress up.

Team Alex at the 1st Annual St. Louis Walk for Food Allergy. Alex raised $1,000 for food allergy research. (He has life-threatening allergies to peanuts, tree nuts and shellfish.) Katie and family and friends all turned out to support Alex's efforts. (Alex is front and center with the red "arms" and Katie is in the last stroller on the right in the second row.)

We had our first family of four vacation to Wisconsin in September. We were so happy to be able to spend an evening with the Kinnamon family who traveled to China with us. In this picture is Carly Kinnamon and Katie. These two girls spent their first 9 months in Suichuan together. Their cribs were next to each other there. It is amazing how far these two little girls have come since I first met them both on February 19!

Alex, Dad and Katie at Wollersheim Winery in Wisconsin.

Brad & Alex, Katie & Lori, Christy & Carley, Scott & Caity Kinnamon. While you can't see Caity very well here, she is also adopted from China. For those that remember the trip, Scott & Christy were our experienced family in the group. They'd done the China adoption thing before. We had a wonderful visit with them in September and hope for many more to come. These girls have a unique bond.

We had some photos taken recently, and this is one of our favorites of Katie. Okay, it was the only one of Katie, but it is still a favorite. It reminds me of her referral picture. I used to look at her perfect little heart-shaped mouth and dream of having her in my arms. I think this is the first time I've seen that mouth perfectly still since the day she came into my arms! Let's just say that Katie is at that age where getting her picture taken isn't her most favorite thing.

Our family. I'm learning quickly what a challenge it is to get two young children to both look at the camera and smile at the same time. Any time it actually happens, it is a fluke! Note Katie's thumb sucking here...a sign of her comfort in front of the camera that day!

Katie is now 17 months old, running and climbing everywhere. Brad and I can't really remember Alex at this stage, but I'm guessing I might have blocked out the memory. :-) You literally can't turn your back on her in a second, because she will push a kitchen chair across the room and be on the counter, in the sink, etc. This is my child who will climb out of her crib any day now, even though she is not even 30 inches tall yet!

She continues to just do great. Amazingly enough, her doctor proclaimed her ahead of the pack in terms of motor skills. Just six months ago, she was so far behind. I believe Alex has a lot of influence on that. Katie's major life goal is to do exactly what Alex is doing at the moment. So she pushes her limits a bit. It's good for her.

She is learning how to feed herself with a spoon and continues to be a enthusiastic eater. She's now mastered the art of eating out of a plastic zip-lock bag, which is the key to our snack behavior in our family. Now we'll be driving along with both kids munching on a bag of apples, or pretzels...her favorite!

Katie is over 20 lbs. now, and has been for over a month. That was a major milestone because it let her turn to face forward in the car seat. She can now watch DVD's with Alex instead of just listen to them. Katie really still doesn't have much interest in TV and we certainly don't push it. I think Alex was pretty into Sesame Street by now, but Katie is more of a music kid. She loves to twirl and dance around.

Much to my enjoyment, her hair is almost long enough to completely fit into 2 pig tails! I put her hair up every morning during breakfast, and it is great fun for me. I always hoped to have a daughter as well as a son, and I do enjoy the 'girly' aspects of life with Katie. We're working on shopping, too. She has a definite opinion about shoes, so she shows promise.

Well, it is officially not Halloween any more if that gives you any idea what time of night I'm doing this. Blogger was giving me problems for awhile, so I hadn't gotten on to update this site. I had meant to do this earlier tonight, but of course life happened in between. So at 12:30 am I sit here typing, thinking about how many nights I did the same in China in a dark hotel room while mom and Katie snoozed near me. I would stare at Katie in her crib back then and not know exactly what the future would hold. I have now known Katie for 8 months and 11 days. I love her as much as any one could love a child, that aching love that knows no end that is tinged with fear of harm happening to your child. I look at Katie and see Katie, not Chinese Katie, not American Katie, just Katie. My daughter. Love is a tremendous thing. Occasionally, I wonder what would have been had we not gone to China. But this was God's plan for us. Katie and I. And Brad and Alex and everyone in our lives. I still don't quite understand exactly why everything happened as it did, but I now realize that not everyone can take in a child that does not share their biology. It puzzles me to know this, because it is unimaginable to me. How could anyone not love a child that is placed in their arms forever? I have had the unique experience of having one child that grew under my heart and one that grew in it.

There is no difference.

Six Months Home...and Into Everything!

Katie has now been home almost 6 months now (officially on Sept. 3) and it is amazing how much she's changed. I tried to add an older photo here to show you, but Blogger has been giving me difficulty this week in loading photos. I've been trying off and on for a week now, so I've given up for now.

Katie started taking steps right before the 4th of July, and by mid-July she had mastered walking to where it became her primary mode of transportation. I didn't think it would be a huge difference since she crawled near the speed of light, but I was wrong. We've installed cabinet locks in the kitchen to limit how much stuff she can pull out, completely rearranged the pantry to make the lower shelf Katie-safe, and moved a few things to higher ground. She is not super tall, but she has an amazing reach.

We're also proud owners of a new minivan thanks to Katie joining our family. We loved our Jeep Grand Cherokee, but the addition of child #2 made it somewhat impractical. I take the kids on lots of adventures in and around St. Louis, and I didn't feel safe loading a double stroller on two sides of the car. Katie is still backwards in her car seat, so Alex couldn't sneak by on her side. (And she'll stay backwards a bit longer, as she's lost a few ounces since her birthday thanks to walking.) The van also has almost every feature that a mom could want. They know their target market well!

Katie is also starting to talk quite a bit. She can say mommy, daddy, Alex, ball, blankie (one of her first, see photo below), up and something like "Callie" our cat. She has a strong personality and knows exactly what she wants and demands it. We think that these are strengths for any second child to have, though sometimes we wish they were a little less loud in their presentation. :-)

We continue to thank God that we have been so blessed by the addition of Katie to our family. Once in awhile, Brad and I consider what Katz life might have been like had she not left her orphanage. While it may be difficult to explain everything to her one day, we are confident that she is where she was meant to be. We could not love Katie any more if she was our biological child. We don't see a little girl from China when we look at her, we just see our daughter.

Katie and Grandma tillage watching big brother Alex play t-ball.

(Yes, I know it is a repeat. Too many problems with blocker to dare remove it!)

Katie sporting her newest look in pistils (bare tummy optional) with Daddy.

Katie and her Blanche. She's LOVES her blankie and will let you smell it if you want. Be warned, it smells funky. Can't get it away for frequent washings, which is what it needs!

Still Almost Walking...

Katie continues to be 'close' to taking her first steps on her own, but has yet to let go. We know pretty soon we won't be able to stop her, so we're letting her figure this out on her own time. She continues to prefer being vertical instead of horizontal, so she's pretty much only crawling to get from one place to another, then she's standing up. She can stand unaided for a fair amount of time if she doesn't think about what she's doing! Above she's riding one of her toys. She can push herself around the house on this, though she does backward a little better than forward.
Alex, Katie and cousin Hayley (4 months older) at Grandma & Grandpa's house for Father's Day. It is nearly impossible to get a picture of just our 2 kids together where everyone is smiling and looking at the right place, and getting a good one of 3 is darn near impossible! In this picture, Katie is in her little ladybug dress. Gymboree had a ladybug line out in the winter, and I bought it sometime between her referral in December and our trip in February. It was going to be her birthday dress, but since it was barely 50F on her birthday (unseasonably cold), she ended up in a dress that wasn't sleeveless. It was fun to have her wear this outfit since I'd had it for her for awhile now. It had cute little shoes, but since she wears a tiny size 2 in shoes, they were more like 'crib shoes' and not safe to let her walk around in. They were used for pictures only, though didn't make it for this one.

Katie enjoying some time with Aunt Patricia. She is at the age where she prefers mom and dad until she has time to 'warm up' to other friends and family members.

This is the view of Katie that we see most often at home. She is always standing up, and if one of us is standing up somewhere, she darts over to us and pulls up on our legs. Who could resist that face? Of course Katie gets whatever she wants at home!

Aunt Margie and Uncle Henry came for a visit. They are a special family in our lives because they have created their family in a way similar to ours. Their oldest son is biological and their two younger girls are adopted from Korea. Knowing their family always made international adoption seem like a very 'normal' thing to do for us and made the decision to adopt a fairly simple one for Brad and I.

Alex and Katie outside the children's garden at the Missouri Botanical Garden (which, by the way, is awesome). This is how we travel most days when a lot of walking is involved. Alex could technically walk almost anywhere on his own, but of course likes to ride if Katie is riding, too! The good thing is I can pack enough stuff under this stroller to have most of the house with us. We almost always pack a lunch for everyone to avoid allergic reactions (Alex has a life-threatening peanut allergy), so that's pretty handy.

Things continue to go well for our little family. Katie is thriving and is starting to use some language. She has 10 teeth, including 2 molars which were a little more challenging to 'welcome' into her mouth. Thank goodness for Tylenol! Alex and Katie have been enjoying lots of fun in the baby pool and on the slip 'n slide in the backyard. Katie actually just does a crawl rather than any sliding, but she enjoys it! We continue to be amazed at how easily our new family has evolved and we're talking about going back to China. We'd be back in a heartbeat if it was free, but we are hoping to figure out a way to add another sibling to the group.

Katie's First Birthday

Katie turned 1 on Mother's Day, May 14 and we celebrated with a party on Saturday, May 13. Lots of family and friends gathered to mark this milestone in Katie's life. To see her on her birthday, it is hard to imagine that just 3 months ago, she was living in the orphanage in Suichuan, China. She's an all-American girl now, crawling like a bullet and into everything. She enjoyed her party, even with the mass of people! She wasn't in mom or dad's arms much all day and she was fine with that. She actively participated in present opening (along with Alex and toddler friends) and particularly enjoyed her first real taste of dessert. Until now, she thought fruit was as good as is gets.

I've been slow to post these pictures because every time I tried, blogger was having problems. But, the wait has given Katie time to complete her 1 year check up at the pediatrician. She is now 18-1/4 lbs. (up 3 lbs. since coming home) and has grown an inch since stepping food on American soil, now standing (literally, since she like being upright) at 28 inches high. She was pronounced to be doing great and perfectly healthy. We have been truly blessed. Enjoy the pictures!
Katie meet sugar. Sugar meet Katie. Though it is a little hard to tell from her expression here, Katie really enjoyed her own mini birthday cake!

Katie, Alex and cousin Woody. Woody and Alex both showed Katie how to eat the icing!
Katie opening presents. Around mom and Katie are Alex, cousin Muriel, and friends Sydney and Eve who all helped out with gift-opening. Chaotic but fun!
More present opening. Katie stayed in the thick of things the entire time.

Grandma Bowen found special 1st birthday decorations made for high chairs, so Katie was all decked out. Unfortunately, she tried to eat them, too!

Alex and cousin Muriel (one of his best friends) waiting patiently for cake!

We have found it impossible to get everyone looking at the camera at once, so this is about as good as it got for a family photo. Happy Birthday Katie!

This girl really gets around...

Katie loves to try to get to Alex's Candyland game and can now pull herself up so that the couch is no longer safe for him.
Be careful...Katie is crawling at high speeds these days.

Katie and her big brother. To this day, not a cross word had been uttered from the big guy. He adores his baby sister and she adores him right back. No one makes her laugh harder.

As we enter June, Katie is starting to 'cruise' the furniture and can walk behind a toy that is meant to be pushed to practice walking. I think she could still be a month or two away from real, all-the-time walking, but seeing her push that toy makes me worry that I am wrong! I was anxious for Alex to walk (our first born), but I have considered tying Katie's legs together to keep her immobile. Of course I'm joking, but anyone with more than one child would understand.

She has more than perfected her crawling and she can dart quickly across the room like a bolt. I am amazed at how one who eats SO much can move so quickly. She has been completely off all baby food for a few weeks now, though she never really had much interest in the stuff. She is probably the best all-around eater in the house now, both in quantity and variety. Fruit is her absolute favorite, but she does well at all sorts of meats (which is fairly amazing at this age), veggies and everything else.

I'll update soon with her latest growth milestones after our next Dr. appointment. She was about 16-1/4 lbs. two months ago, so I'm guessing she might be pushing 18 lbs. these days. She's firmly in the 12 month clothes and can wear 18 month sizes in some things.

Katie's First Easter

Katie got fluffy pink bunny ears instead of the chocolate kind, but she still thought that they were edible!

Katie and Alex sharing a moment in our front yard.

Katie in her first Easter dress. This dress is special because we bought it for her a year ago in Bloomington when we were there for Lifelink's Cultural Training for the adoption. Behind Katie (in our front yard) are tulips that we ordered in Holland, Michigan on the day after Katie was born, which was the day that her mother left her to be found and taken to the orphanage. All of the tulips were in bloom on Easter.

Our new family. I think we look a lot better as four...perhaps because the little one with black hair 'ups' the cute ratio a bit! (I think it is funny to note that each and every one of us has different colored hair, so it's not like any one of us really 'sticks out' that more than the others.)

Home Six Weeks Now

For those of you who haven't stopped following our journey, sorry for the delay! Being home with an infant and a preschooler is a busy, but very fun, time. I've been home six weeks today and left China about six weeks and five hours ago, if anyone is keeping track. As I update the blog this morning at a VERY early hour, it is early evening in China and the weather is very similar to the time when we traveled. Sitting here updating the site, it almost feels like I am still in one of those hotel rooms, Katie and mom snoozing away. However I was just interrupted by a hungry baby crying at 5am, which actually didn't happen in China. My "perfect sleeper" now gets up about every 4 hours for a bottle, but she does go right back down. She's still in bed by 6pm and up at 7am, so I can't complain. While getting up in the middle of the night isn't my idea of a party, I always indulge her because I know that for the first nine months, Katie didn't have the luxury of being fed on demand. I'm just glad she's learned to stand up for her right to food at 2am.

This is actually my last day of "maternity leave," though for the self-employed it shouldn't be confused with something you are paid to do. I'm lucky to work with a group of women who were able to let me take this time to be with Katie and still have work to return to on Monday. In the last couple of weeks, we've hired a nanny named Denise who we're really excited about. We ended up using a nanny service to find her, but we think she'll be worth every penny. I'll be working 3 days a week for now and Denise will be in our house taking care of the kids. While I've loved being home full-time for awhile, I really think part-time work is what keeps me sane. It helps that I really do love my work and the people that I work with.

So what is Katie really up to? Well, she's had 2 pediatrician visits and is now "up to" 16-1/2 lbs. and 27-1/2 inches. She's tracking at the 50%-iles for height and weight, and that's compared to American babies (there are actually different growth charts for Southern China children). She seems so petite compared to her big brother who wasn't, that we were pleasantly surprised that she is completely average. Almost all of her blood work and other tests have come back with no problems and her overall health is great. She's never even had a cold yet. We just finished the last of her evaluations by physical, occupational and developmental therapists and they have proclaimed her almost completely 'caught up' and not in need of any therapy now. There is a great state program that helps you get these evaluations done, and it has been really interesting to see the therapists interact with her. I've learned a lot myself just from these visits.

Katie has been sitting up by herself since she was home a week, and now easily stands at toys. She is just about to crawl and seems to go backwards easier than forwards. She had been rolling herself across the room, so I'm not certain that she sees the need to crawl! Katie loves to eat and is slowly working her way to consuming the regular family meal instead of baby food. She's doing about half baby foods/cereal and half "real" food mashed up now. She had 6 teeth, which is 4 more than she had in China. Luckily, she is a fairly happy teether. Well, she's really just a happy baby. She really only cries when hungry, over tired or (a new one) when she has a dirty diaper. If all babies were like Katie, I really might take a dozen

Alex continues to be a proud big brother. Almost every day at preschool, he has to take her around and 'show' her to friends and teachers. This despite the fact that they've all seen lots of Katie by now! Katie is a bit of a star at her preschool visits, and particularly the little girls and a little boy named Brent love to visit with her.

Speaking of visiting, the one thing I didn't really prepare for was the attention that we'd continue to get from strangers even after we came home. Now I realize Katie is just about the cutest baby on the planet, but I tend to think our family draws more interest than the average. Katie gets lots of complements and almost every day someone I've never met engages me in a conversation about international adoption. I can only say that I've only had one encounter, and it was really more staring than an encounter, that made me uncomfortable. You can pick up someone's vibe pretty easily, and most everyone I come across is positive.

Katie is 11 months old today. Just one month left before her first birthday. It feels like we've been running through milestones lately, and I'm looking forward to this one because I'm hopeful we'll get to rest for awhile afterward! As her birthday approaches, I find myself thinking about her birthmother more and more. I'm certain that she thinks of Katie more often now that that day is approaching, too. Katie turns 1 on Mother's Day, which has incredible meaning to me. I really never understood how important motherhood was to me until it was dangled in front of me, yet just out of reach. It took a jet and a lot of paperwork, but finally I am able to enjoy a Mother's Day without wanting more. At least for awhile. If our checkbook allows and Brad agrees, I think Alex could get at least part of his wish for 2 more baby sisters.

Three weeks after coming home, several good friends threw us a baby shower to welcome home baby Katie. It was SO fun to get lots of pink after years of blue and trucks!

Our angel napping in the back of the double stroller.

The cake Anjelica had made for the shower celebrating Katie's "rooster" (Chinese birth year) status. A bit ironic, as one of our more common nicknames for Alex is "Rooster."

Alex loves his baby sister. And she adores him!

Katie is always happy to see Grandma and can't understand why she doesn't live with her anymore...

I have more photos, but blogger isn't cooperating. I'll try to get back to here sooner next time!